Boredom at its Best
by Ollec
Summary: Well...there's an extensive explanation at the beginning of each chapter. Please read it only once and enjoy.


_**Boredom at its Best**_

_Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. But we do own some vanilla pudding. /i _

**PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR NOTES**

A/N: **So** **here's an explanation of how these things came to be.**

My sister, known as bitterhoney002 on HPFF or as Via (via the doll) on various other sites, and myself were super bored on our trip to India. We didn't have much to do and the TV there had a bunch of Indian soap operas, which, frankly, we don't care to watch. So…one boring day, my sister was like, "Want to do that thing where you start writing a story and after a minute of writing you switch papers, read ONLY the last sentence, and then continue the story?" And because we were super bored, I was like, "Sure." Then I suggested that we make it Harry Potter based and put it up on HPFF for you guys to read.

Here's a few things that we feel that we must say:

1) No offense to anyone, except maybe Hufflepuffs.

2) Don't try to make sense of anything --- we don't know either.

3) Keep in mind who's saying what --- your guess is as good as ours.

Each submitted chapter will contain 2 of our chapters, because to write and then switch and write and switch and so on, you have to be writing 2 stories at the same time. The regular text will be what I wrote, and the bolded text will be what my sister wrote. That way, you can also see what we were given to work with. Sometimes, we were given an actual sentence. Other times, time ran out when we were a word or two into a sentence, and we had to pick it up from there. We limited ourselves from reading ONLY from the period before the last word, before continuing with our writing.

This author note will appear at the top of each of the submitted chapters. This is because we figure that different people will validate different chapters, so we must explain to them what's happening. Therefore, you don't have to read this again if you've read it in the first submitted chapter.

The author note at the END of each of the submitted chapters, if there is one, will be used to explain/give excuses about the specific chapters involved in the submitted chapter.

Thanks a bunch. Enjoy.

Ollec and Via

_Chapter 1: A Boy Named Freak_

**The day wasn't very peculiar. Things went as usual; Hermione and Ron having sexual tension, Harry hating Malfoy, Dumbledore sucking on his lemon candies. ** Now Harry hating Malfoy was nothing new, but needs to be mentioned again. For this year was different. Draco had a laser gun.

**Draco loved laser guns. He enjoyed stunning tiny squirrels in parks. Not that he's ever been to a park. That was for suckers. ** But see, Dumbledore loved suckers. Especially the lemon flavored ones. He went on and on about how lollipops will rule mankind in the near future.

**So Draco decided he desperately needed a lollipop. But not an ordinary lollipop. Draco needed a HUMONGOUS Japanese lollipop. He then decided to use his **butt cheeks to deflect the dangers approaching him. 'Twas a good thing that he worked out. He had buns of steel because of it.

**So he took his buns of steel out of the oven and placed them in a nice tray. Realizing that the buns would go well with ketchup**, Harry decided to run down to the kitchens.

"Dobby!"

"How is you doing Harry Potter?"

"Just peachy."

"**Oh…Well! If you're going to INSULT me that way –"**

"**What?" he asked, thoroughly confused.**

"**YOU FREAK! Stop being racist, you're hurting me emotionally!" Dobby sobbed.**

"You have emotions?" Harry asked curiously.

"No."

"Well toodles then."

They left the kitchens to head to the Great Hall when 200 penguins attacked them.

"**PENGUINS!" they screamed in pure terror.**

**That is, everyone screamed except a 1st year boy named Freak.**

**Freak walked up and pet a penguin happily. Ron immediately shot him.**

"OMG Ron!" Hermione screamed. "You can't shoot people like that."

"But I didn't." Ron said.

"I SAW YOU." she screamed.

"Fluffy noodles." Harry said.

"**With sauce?" she asked with a broad smile. Hermione was wearing a nun's uniform.**

"**Uh, why are you dressed like a nun?" Harry asked.**

"The nun look is soooo in." Lavender said. "Besides, the boys think it's kinky."

"I want one." Hermione moaned.

"Well tough cookies for you, pudding." She retorted.

"**Ooh, pudding. Is it banana?" he asked.**

"**You're in a torture chamber and you're asking for banana pudding?" the evil duchess cackled.**

"**Uh…maybe?" Harry answered.**

**The duchess tasered him.**

**After the obvious pain where Harry screamed like a crazed chipmunk on** opium, he got over it and decided to go for a jolly good swim in the lake. The only thing is…he forgot about the Giant Squid.

"Crap." he said as it swallowed him whole.

"**OMFG!" he shrieked as he raced down the esophagus into the stomach of an ostrich.**

"**ROOOOOON!" he heard. ** "Don't DIE!!!"

"Well…ok."

Ron pranced into the dungeons and punched Snape in the nose.

"**Ouch." Snape said.**

"**Sorry." Ron responded.**

**THE END**

_Chapter 2: Fluffy Noodles_

It was a bright and sunny day. Nothing could go wrong. Harry had just received his Hogwarts letter with the stuff he needed for next year.

**He was sitting quietly in his room, going over his list of school supplies needed, when a sudden thought struck him.**

"**Oh my Zeus!"**

"Who the hell says 'Oh my Zeus!' anymore?" Ron said. "What are you? Greek or something?"

"**Shalom. I am Australian." he said with a wide welcoming smile.**

**At this moment, our lovely Greek person **frolicked through the open grasslands between the castle and the Forbidden Forest. He was hit by a water balloon.

"Who threw that?" he yelled.

"**I DID!" came the macho voice of…Dobby?**

"**Uh…who the hell are you?" he asked.**

"**Some people call me Dobby. Others call me," he paused, "**Fluffy noodles."

"I like fluffy noodles." Hermione quipped.

"Don't we all?" Harry asked.

"I only like hot chicks."

"**What about ducks?" Harry asked innocently.**

"**Hm…only if they're married."**

"Marriages are fun." Colin Creevy said, his camera ready.

"Aren't they?"

"Totally."

"Only if they have big cakes."

"WTF are you here?" Ron asked.

"**I'm in love with your brother."**

"**WTF?" Ron repeated.**

"**Those luscious lips, glowing eyes, muscular body –"**

"**Uh. Which brother are we talking about?" Ron asked.**

"**You know, the hunky brother of yours."**

"Turkey?" Hermoine asked.

"Pudding." Ron said, oblivious to everything that happened before.

"Let's go make love to the Giant Squid." Harry yelled.

"Great idea." Ron said.

**So the group head towards the Forbidden Forest. Harry plucked off a berry and ate it merrily. He then plucked another **feather off of Fawkes and watched as it burnt to the floor.

"It loves me." He said as he pulled one off. "It loves me not." he continued.

"Who?" Ron asked.

"The Giant Squid."

"**What about the Giant Squid?" Ginny asked.**

"**It's extremely sexy!" Ron put in.**

"**That's revolting! Wouldn't you rather have me?" Hermione asked.**

**Ron looked over Hermione, "No."**

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Pudding?"

"Don't mind if I do."

So Ron and Hermione sat there eating pudding under the tree by the lake.

"Oh…where's Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Who cares?" Ron said playing with her sleve.

"Oooo…Ron…not here…" Hermione mumbled.

"**Why not babe?" Ron asked moving behind a desk and unbuttoning his top button.**

"**We just can't!"**

"**But," Ron said sadly, "It's only checkers." He pulled** out the board and they played happily ever after for the rest of eternity.

THE END.

A/N:

Chapter 1:

Um… I don't really know where that random scene change near the end of that came from…. Oh well.

Oh…and why was Ron told not to die?

Chapter 2:

The "W" in that first "WTF" was supposed to be a "Why"….I was short on time…


End file.
